Monday, 21 January 2013

A Short Class on the Art of Making Friends

Dear reader, if you are having trouble making friends despite your most fervid attempts, this post is for you. It's a delicate art, this conversational tightrope between the terror of being dull on the one side, invidious on the other. I bring good news: help is at hand.

In practicing the art of making friends, it is imperative to find common ground. The sharing of a large proportion of one's DNA with the target friend will not suffice: try to identify some specifics. Avoid the esoteric. "Look - we both have brown hair!" is a little too general. "So, apparently we both slept with the same person" is a tad over the line in the other direction.

If you have an interest or passion, you may wish to share it. If your target friend seems disinterested, however - this is important - it is advisable to change topic. Try something else. Eschew the temptation to talk about weather.

Body language is another thing. Don't shout across the room; similarly don't lean in. Your target friend may have lice. Be sure to maintain a smile and a certain amount of eye contact. Nod to denote that you're listening and give at least half a toss about what your target friend is saying. A certain munificence in this regard is the basis for most enduring friendships.

These tips should serve as a reliable guidebook for those wishing to embark upon the (precarious) business of friendship. It's really not that hard: a nice smile, some reasonably exaggerated compliments and a factitious interest in whatever rubbish the other person is enthusiastically spouting - and you're well on your way to a long and happy friendship.


  1. I tend to think I've mastered this delicate art, though I'm always wondering whether my overbearance in conversations incites the wish in others to mutter something unpleasant about me the moment my back is turned...

  2. So that's what tea and cake at the Boston Tea Party was all about... ;-p